Unconventional Wisdom

In the first two parts of this journey exploring a shameless erotic attitude, we touched on its importance in intimacy and mentioned some effective ways to cultivate it, along with practical guidelines on the courageous attitude of “turning the lights on” in the bedroom. We invite you to contemplate and share with each other, how does it feel to tune in to the nuances of erotic excitement? What was it like to keep the lights of awareness on during intimate moments?

For some, this process of de-conditioning and opening to the Erotic perspective may feel like the natural solution, something you’ve intuited exists and couldn’t quite put your finger on, till now! For others, it may require a little more deliberate effort, supported by the curiosity to discover more about yourselves and your beloved. You might find that even within your couple, each of you have a different experience with this! And both are perfectly valid.

We each come from unique backgrounds, shaped by vastly different life experiences, and all step on our own unique journey. Wherever we are on this path, the key is to meet ourselves with radical honesty—and from that place, move forward with curiosity, optimism, and love. This approach not only deepens intimacy with our own heart, but also helps integrate growth and insights we gain in the bedroom, into every aspect of our daily life.

Dare to be intimate!

Intimacy is the language of true connection. When guided by pure Eros, there is no need for shame, no reason to hide in darkness. The ancient wise men and women understood this—Eros was celebrated, adorning public spaces with sensual statues and erotic art. These were not invitations for primitive indulgence, but reminders of the sacredness of our true erotic nature.

Today, at first glance we might believe we are more free and apparently shameless — there was a sexual revolution, after all! Yet, while sex is now everywhere, Eros has been exiled. Our world has been sterilised, stripped of beauty and refined sensuality, leaving only raw and explicit sexuality, available to all without filters. In doing so, desire has been forced into the shadows and pornography dominates vast currents of the internet. In a world where there is so much disconnection from the complex and uplifting power of Eros, the demand for more and more “variety” to stimulate a sexual appetite has increased dramatically, in an attempt to fill the void of unmet and unacknowledged longings for deep and soulful intimacy… and is met on the other side of the spectrum by intense rejection and inhibition.

The healing power of Eros

Real intimacy – supported by the Erotic energy – is the foundation of meaningful communication of all kinds, where communication shapes the very fabric of our lives. The deeper our experience of intimacy, the richer our connections and the more vibrant and fulfilling life becomes. Master intimacy, and life transforms.

Looking closely, and with the above in mind, we can notice that sexualised interactions inevitably have a corrosive effect on our relationships. Though two people might love each other deeply, sex is the force that generates the oscillations between intense (but limited) pleasure and intense conflict. When fights erupt within the couple relationship, they can leave permanent “scars”. In some cases, it becomes difficult to find a way to fully recover from such clashes. It is for this reason that in many long term relationships lovers either stop having sex – intuiting that it interferes with the peace between their hearts – or become emotionally anaesthetised to “survive” the relational rollercoaster.

Acknowledging the differences between sex and Eros, we begin to notice the damaging effects of the sexual energy and the healing power of Eros that can swiftly cure even deep emotional wounds, not by masking pain, but dissolving it at the root — rewiring our capacity to be in, and offer, Love itself.

When we engage in intimacy unconsciously, even if a disagreement does not happen immediately, the sexual energy plants a seed of disconnection in the emotional and mental space. We see an example of how this rears its head when both lovers tend to focus and insist more on their personal point-of-view, instead of choosing to have empathy and understanding for the other’s.

Intimacy based on pure Eros allows us to transcend the temptation of instinctual desires and impulses. Our loving interactions can be very profound, yet light, passionate, yet elevating. If this is something we long for, we need to keep it in our attention. The key? “Shifting” our attitude to the ascending Erotic current where deep intimacy becomes the solution and the cure.

Choosing the current, choosing your life

How do we shift to the upward current of Eros? Our entire being constantly broadcasts and receives energy through every gesture, word, behaviour and attitude.

Understanding this, we realise that we don’t need specific “techniques” to flip this switch. Once we start to understand and apply an Erotic shamelessness in action, we begin to truly resonate with it – this rewires us, and our world gradually transforms.

Old, undesirable habits crumble fast under the influence of this energy. We move differently, speak differently, and even desire different things. However, we will warn you: a shameless and erotic spontaneity will unsettle certain people, because a shameless attitude shatters egos — both ours and everyone else’s — because true freedom crosses every limit we’ve created to imprison ourselves.

The catch is that choosing to erase our unnecessary and limiting boundaries doesn’t remove those of others. What seems exciting and adventurous (“Yay! Shameless!”) has transformational consequences. For those who really choose to make this shift and embody the Erotic attitude, the reward is that they will also taste the indescribable fruits of radical freedom in life. The choice, though, is in each of our hands.

Knowing the difference in daily life

Our energy flows in one of two directions: sexual (the downwards flow) or erotic (the upwards flow). And just like escalators in a mall, we can’t stand on both of them at the same time! If we want to jump on the ascending “escalator” of Eros, we have to actively choose to step off the descending “escalator” of sex. For this, we can start to recognise what each experience looks like in daily life.

The below are just a few examples of things to look out for in day to day interaction that can serve as a reference when we decide to make the shift onto the ascending Erotic current. And though human interaction is complex, there are nevertheless some patterns that we can reliably refer to and extrapolate as examples in our own experience.

Sex

Gossip — If we notice that our communication tends to focus on details from the surface of our life (and other people’s lives), it is an expression of the surface-level experience of a sexualised attitude. And, like meaningless sex, we can recognise having fallen into this trap when we find ourselves speaking on auto-pilot, sometimes leaving us wondering, “What was I even saying? And why?”.

Validation — Similarly, if we notice that our self-confidence and worth tend to depend on outer confirmation, we can take it as a gentle invitation to turn our attention inwards and connect more intimately with ourselves. Just as quick pleasures cannot fulfil us profoundly, the sense of emotional security and self-worth cannot be deeply experienced by a compliment or some well chosen words from another. The Erotic perspective is one in which we can gratefully accept all compliments and not be shaken by (or reject) criticism.

Vs Eros

Looking deeper — When we actively look for beauty in everyone and everything around us, we allow ourselves to dive beyond the surface and acknowledge life’s magic and mystery. We then begin interactions in a way that allows for profound communication. In this regard, it’s not just about the words — even apparently small things matter: daring to hold gentle eye contact for just two seconds longer than “normal” can disrupt unconscious emotional patterns and foster a deeper connection. In business, a handshake and initial greeting often reveals the meeting’s outcome before a word is spoken!

“Speaking from the heart” — This has become a popular phrase, but few understand what it truly requires. Before we can speak our heart, we must first learn to feel it. How could we authentically express what we haven’t first experienced within ourselves? Real heart-communication means bringing our whole presence into a conversation. For example, in a challenging interaction, before jumping to, “I don’t like how you said that,” we might pause and look inside a little longer, recognising, “This triggers me because of my own insecurities.” What a revelation this could be — to notice that our discomfort isn’t really about the other one, but about our own inner landscape.

Conclusion

Shifts like these transform an ordinary get-together into a profound encounter. As we become more authentic, the other person senses the change. “Something’s different… you seem so free…” Our self-awareness offers them the chance to be relieved of their own limitations, if they choose to do so, potentially freeing us both from the trap of old reactions and misunderstandings.

Erotic shamelessness and spontaneity mean showing up fully present, first inside and then outside — and then true connection is able to blossom.

In the next and final part of this series on the attitude and state of Erotic shamelessness, we will explore more reference points to mark the distinction between these two forces to help us dynamically choose the ascending Erotic current — stay tuned!